Some "Relationship Advice"!

Being a musician, I often hang out with younger generations. This post summarizes a discussion I had with a young drummer recently who's struggled through a couple of relationships and has been confused about dating and expectations from his partners. He claims to be clearer in the mind after our discussion. Hence this post. Hopefully it helps!

Here's the crux of it: The world consists of a whole range of mindsets, ranging from the "ultra conservative" to the "ultra liberal", and as long as you are not hurting others, you have all the right to be comfortable with who you are in this spectrum and choose your partner as per what you would like or not like in your partner. You are not obligated to allow the world to twist you out of shape to suit its needs.

For example, if you're a woman and find that your partner wants to make the relationship progress faster than what you are comfortable with, you have all the right to be clear about what you are (or are not) comfortable with and stick to your guns. And if your partner cannot respect that, let him go. Better now than later. The last thing you want is to be with someone who does not respect you and doesn't clearly understand the concept of consent.

Likewise for men. You have all the right to be clear in your head about what you would like (or not like) in your partner. Let me elaborate on this through my personal example:

I grew up in a house with extremely strong women. My mother, though born and brought up in a somewhat old school small town in Rajasthan, went on to play basketball at the state level as long ago as the conservative late 1960s! That's strength! And my younger sister is a thoracic oncological surgeon with an active surgery schedule in the competitive city of Mumbai! That's strength! Yet, both these women outright laugh at what passes off as "strength" in women today - sleaze. Being intelligently convinced of clothes being an intrinsic part of human evolution, they are aghast with the increased show of skin, nudity and sexual content on screen (which has nothing to do with "storytelling being more realistic" - the intent is simply to titillate the masses, which not only helps sell more movie tickets but also helps sustain more criminal industries like trafficking and forced prostitution). Needless to say, they are equally dismissive of the increased show of skin in society.

Growing up with these two spirited, strongwilled, sensible women has shaped my sensibilities beautifully! I'm completely comfortable with the conservative-liberal balance I see in myself and expect the same in my partners. And if this means dating less, then so be it 😊! I'm not keeping a count 😊!

Having this clarity has been important for me as a man.

Your views may well differ from mine. But making sure that you find clarity within yourself about who you are and what you want is critical.

PS: Staggering drunk out of bars isn't a show of either intelligence or strength for either gender.